i am so excited! a kind of excited i don't remember feeling the first two times because i was so terrified, but a surrendered and wonderful and amazing kind of excited--so much so that it only feels fitting to write about it so that i won't forget it. if it's within our control, this is the last time i'll experience this revelation excitement--the last time i'll ponder in the quiet of my own heart and soul the miracle of a little life within me on the very first day i get to know about the gift of his or her existence. in this very moment, only the Father in heaven and I know about this little one. I feel like God is letting me in on a divine and holy secret, just a small part of His plan to be revealed in some unique and creative way to this world. i've been praying that God would give us this baby, and jeremy told me last night that he has been too, and though Jeremy does not yet know that God did, indeed, answer that prayer, I am taking a break from the tasks of the day to praise our God from whom ALL blessings flow and to pray for this little one that He, the creator and savior of the universe, dreamed up before there was even time for the very purpose of bringing Him glory in some way. I can't believe i have the privilege of carrying this little one these next nine months, and beyond, and as much as I, honestly, don't love being pregnant, I already love this child so very much. And so this last time, I really want to enjoy the miracle that's taking place inside of me.
I wonder if she's a girl, or if he's a boy. I wonder how she will bless our family, in what ways he will stretch us, what she will be like, how he will interact with his siblings.... I wonder so many things, some of them practical (like where will he sleep and how in the world will we fit 3 car seats in our car?) and some of them not (like who will she be and how will he best know God?). I wonder how his little life will change the lives of his siblings. Isaac and Ada do so well together...finally! They love each other. Can they love another little one too? Can I love another one well? I struggle to love the precious ones I have with joy and patience. Is there enough of me to go around, and to still invest well in our marriage?
I have no choice but to trust that God is more than enough for us as He grows our family with great purpose. I can't wait to tell Jeremy. I'm so, so excited about knowing this baby and raising him or her with Jeremy by my side. I wish I could hold her or him today! July 10th ish is our due date. Finally, a summer baby!!
Hooray! I am so very full this day.
i was suspicious when i noticed how strong my fingernails were on the way home from gymnastics with Ada today. I am so grateful! And now...off to decide how to tell Jeremy he is a daddy again! Thank you, Jesus, for knitting this baby together within me. What a miracle! Please bring this little life here safely, and may He or she be filled with your Spirit and an eager participant in your Kingdom work.
"Sing over me, draw me close to rest in your peace. Sing over me, oh sing"
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