Dear Isaac,
I have been meaning to capture for you some snapshots of your first few weeks of Kindergarten. Though i haven't written them down yet, I have been holding them in a very small section of my brain for long enough, and because I fear that if I don't purge them soon they will be gone forever, I am taking a few minutes tonight to remember for you the nuggets of awesome that you have shared with me so far.
Many mamas gave me advice about how to step into these Kindergarden days. I even went to a panel discussion to hear some different perspectives on how to navigate this first year well. I came away with a lot of notes: take the dog to hook up line, don't ask questions, give him space, bring a snack, let him sleep in his clothes....the list goes on. You have yet again taught me way more in these weeks that I could ever learn in a panel discussion. You hop in the car with boundless energy after school. The first week of school was a four day week of half-days. You knew you didn't have school on Friday, but after your taste of school on your very first day, you hopped in the car and said, "Mama, I just LOVE school. Do you think I could go to school on Friday?" When I said no, you said, "Well how about Saturday and Sunday?" It was then that I finally let myself cry, mostly because my heart was so full that I would have the gift of sharing you into an experience that you were drawn to and excited about. In your sweet and powerful words, I felt God's mercy in my Mama heart and His confirmation of our prayers for your school journey for this year. I am so thankful you like it! That continues to be the case! Wow.
You also tend to tell me exactly what you did in PE everyday. It's your favorite class. You like the games and you like to sing the songs that they play while you all do your thing. It really makes me laugh that you try to sing "Can't Touch This" (blast from MY past, MC Hammer) but tend to get the words wrong (I do that all the time, with most every song I try to sing). After you talk about PE, you ask me to ask you questions, and whatever I ask jogs your memory to tell me more. I hang on every word.
The third day of school you had sad news when you got in the van. It was the first day that you had anything negative to share. You told me that you had a hard time on the playground. You said that William was on the climbing wall and that you walked up to the wall to climb too. He told you, "No! You can't play here! Get off!" and I asked you frantically, "What did you do?" my heart all but ready to crucify young William for treating you that way. You told me, "Mama, I said, 'Well, I think it's okay for anybody to play here' and then I walked away." Then you told me this, "I think William said that to me because he doesn't really know me yet. Probably if he knew me, he would like to play with me." I stand amazed by your wisdom, little man, and I learn so much from it. I also learned that third day of your Kindergarden experience that I am slow to forgive when people are unkind to my children, and I really want the posture of my heart to reflect Christ back to you, rather than anger. Christ forgives. You did too. I am thankful.
Later that same week you told me after school one day that you made a new friend on the playground. You said that you noticed that Emma didn't have anyone to play with so you asked her if she would be your best friend. She told you no, that she didn't want to be your best friend, but she did say that she would be your friend and that she would like to play with you. As you were about to go play, you noticed that Shepherd wasn't playing with anyone, so you asked if he would like to play with you and Emma. Then you told me, "Mama, things got complicated!" Shepherd did want to play, but Emma said she didn't want to play with you if you were going to play with Shepherd! Yikes! Again, I said with anticipation, "What did you do?' You told me that Shepherd walked away, so you just played with Emma. I am so glad your heart longs to see those who might need a friend. May God bless this in you, Isaac, for it is a rare and very beautiful gift.
Mrs. Brown is your teacher. She loves you and is great at teaching Kindergarten. Every morning when you get to school, you pick a number from a bag. That is your number for the day and is representative of your place in line. Your number the first day of school was 14. The second day it was 15. The third day it was 15. The fourth day it was 15 again. The first week of school, you towed the back of the line well, and I began to wonder if you must be the last one in the classroom everyday (we live so close to school that we tend to be last minute people). Maybe kids peek at their numbers and put them back for a better position? Regardless, you don't mind the back of the line, and you LOVE having me guess who had each number everyday. The following Monday, you pulled 14 out of the bag. William pulled 15. You said you turned to him and said, "William, don't you worry. It's going to be OKAY. The first shall be last and the last shall be first!"
My other memory of your first week of school is of making you chocolate chip cookies to take with you for dessert. We don't normally have homemade ones, so I thought it was a huge treat to put one in your lunch the first day. The cookie came home on Monday, home on Tuesday, and then by Wednesday when you still had not eaten it, I was tempted to eat it myself. You told me that you can't eat dessert until you finish your whole lunch! You also said you are not able to talk to your shoulder buddies at lunch because you don't have time to eat if you do!
You have great respect for the rules, buddy. And you love what you are learning. You can read some words now! "have, little, i, am...." It is so fun to watch you grow, and I hope that you will enjoy learning always, not for the sake of getting it right or doing a good job, but because God gave you a great mind and generous curiosity.
You are off to a good start. I am finally able to admit to myself that I am so sad that you are gone during the day. It is hard for me, but I am so glad that my "grieving" isn't complicated by any sort of negative experience on your end. You go eagerly, pushing us all out the door to a new day. Your spirit is such a gift, Isaac Barnes. What a gift you are! Happy Kindergarden year! So far, you are loving it!
Love you,
Mama
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