the new pond rocket

Jeremy and I had such sweet memories in the blue x-terra.  That was the rugged truck he drove (complete with Colorado tags) when I fell in love with him.  It's the car he cleaned before he picked me up for dates, the place he told me he had "absolutely fallen in love with me" on april 17, 2004, just a few weeks after our March 1st meeting, and the place where he kissed me for the first time (a very awkward but passionate first kiss experience for me that i like to refer to as a suckerfish kiss.  it was only afterwards that he held my hand in that old x-terra).  It was that car that he drove into a telephone pole trying to impress me with his mudding abilities after a long crud day afternoon at church, and it was that car that starred in one of his first bedtime stories about clarence and beatrice, two frogs and their pond rocket.  Ever since then we called it our Pond Rocket when we didn't call it the X, and I loved it, mostly because I love Jeremy, and it came with him.

I felt big in the X--way bigger than I feel in my little honda.  I felt cool in the X--way cooler than I felt in my reliable sedan.  Mostly though, I love the X because of the memories we made in it.  We drove to Colorado in that car (which is where Jeremy told a friend in my presence that he'd like to mary me) and then we had all of our newlywed adventures in it--to florida and camping and on ski trips.  We were able to fit our dogs in the back and take them to the dog park or to memphis with us, and as the years passed, we also were able to put our babies in it.  One baby, and then another, and now that there is a third on the way, not even the car top carrier will offer us enough grace to get everyone safely inside the Pond Rocket.  Besides that, it needs a lot of work, and because we knew we'd need a wider car by July, we figured it was smarter for us to pour money into a new vehicle rather than keep fixing up the X.

I grieved the change on my way south to pick up our van.  I drove slow on the interstate, savoring my last adventure in what was my boyfriend's cool truck before trading it in for a van that instead symbolizes for me a much more responsible and less care free lifestyle.  We arrived at the car dealership in a typical cloud of smoke accompanied by the smell of burning oil but thankfully no flames, and I said my goodbye as Randy the car salesman helped me get the car seats out of the back and the license plate transferred to the new van--the O, we like to call it.  Thank you, x-terra, for being a part of so many sweet memories in such a wonderful and awe-filled season of my life.

Now this minivan is making things hard on me.  I had no idea that shopping for a car had gone the way of the internet like everything else in our world, and though that gives us access to so much more, it also makes a heart like mine greedy.  After looking at our options (and test-driving what was available, which was top of the line, of course), I convinced myself that perhaps a minivan would be a good thing for this soon-to-be mama of three if it had leather seats and a sun roof and maybe some built in dvd players or an iPod dock.  Because the model we ended up with has none of the above, I'm feeling less than thrilled with our package.  I am thrilled, however, with the deal we got (I think it was a good one and in a season in which i'm not working, that couldn't be a bigger gift or need fulfilled), and i am also thrilled with the fact that the van will seat all of our children, which was our main reason for stepping into minivan land.  I'm hopeful that after a few adventures in our new O with the "magic doors" and working cd player (Isaac put money and "lots of it" in the cd players in both of our other vehicles so having access to our music again feels dreamy) I will feel better about it.  Honestly I am grateful for the reminder that it is to me of being surrendered in this season (and really always) to knowing our need and not feeling like we "deserve" the extras.  we have plenty of extras and plenty of blessing in our lives--leather seats and a sun roof don't need to be among the things i hold dear.  A vehicle that will fit all of us and that feels safe on the road is what we needed and the Lord, once again, provided.  I'm growing into it, slowly but surely.

It felt anticlimactic to pick up the new car and just drive it home so i took the kids to Wendy's to get frosty's in honor of the occasion.  After we enjoyed them, I realized it was time for dinner and that I didn't have a plan for what we'd eat when we got home.  I got back in line with Ada while Isaac finished his frosty and I set her on the counter to order her hamburger with no pickle and french fries.  When the lady asked, "how can i help you?' ada said out of the clear blue, "can I work here?"  I laughed and so did the Wendy's employee who said, "excuse me, what did you say?"  ada said it louder a second time and so the woman went to get her manager, who delighted so in Ada's request that she sent us back to our table with our hands full of kids' meal toys.  I still laugh about it.  These sweet babies make everything an adventure.  And therefore,  I'll drive the church bus if I have to.  As long as my car is filled with life, I really don't care if my i-pod works in it.

so much has happened!

today is january 24th.  4 years ago yesterday we met isaac for the first time.  we had so much fun celebrating his fourth birthday this year, and i can't even believe how big he is now.  he's such a boy.  he can do so much now.  i just love him to pieces.
to celebrate his big day, we had a dog party.  he wanted one for a long time, suggesting that everyone bring their real dog so that they could all fight in the backyard.  we decided to tame his request a little and he agreed that people could also bring a stuffed animal dog or a picture of a dog.  we had a dog show with all of the pups that came with the kids and it was so cute!  we also made dog collars, dug for bones in the sandbox, had obedience school, and ate cake that looked like dog food out of dog bowls.  isaac had so much fun.  his aunt name helped build him a doghouse out of a card table and some insulation board, which he loved too.  he was so glad to have his cousins here among his guests.  38 people, 3 real dogs besides our own, and 56 hot dogs--how wild is that?

yesterday isaac had gymnastics and then we went to sweet cece's to celebrate turning four.  after naps he played chutes and ladders with me and we also enjoyed his new ball and a dr. suess game called "i can do it."  mr. steve brought him some chocolate milk and gracie brought him a towmater truck that has a fun cannon on it.  after we played, we enjoyed dinner at mcdonalds at his request.  he ate every bite of his happy meal and played his heart out on the playground.  i only had to go down the slide twice (which was good because i'm too old or too pregnant to fit in those tubes).  isaac went down it tons more times by himself, and ada went down AND up it.  we had fun.  then we made dog bone brownies for him to take to school today, and did baths and read 5 books before bed.  i had such a great time with him.

in other news, we got a minivan last week, ada requested her first job, jeremy got a speeding ticket i should write about, and i am 16 weeks along with baby #3.  more later!

houses for you and me

since we've been talking about houses in preparation for ada's party, isaac has become aware that not everyone has a house, which was our goal, in part.  he asked me how come not everyone has a house, and i told him that not everyone has enough money to buy a house, and that, in fact, people borrow money for their houses since they are so expensive.  he said he thought we should give some of our money to help someone buy a house.  i was so excited that he wanted to be generous in such a special way.  then he told me "but not my money from my piggy bank."  oh well.  we'll keep trying.  i get it.  it's hard to be generous.  i don't do it well either!

when you are 16

today when ada and i picked isaac up from school, ada insisted on climbing into her seat by way of the driver's seat.  she said to me, in all seriousness, "mommy, can i drive?"  and i said, "no, baby.  you have to be 16 to drive a car and you aren't even 2, so that means you can almost drive in 14 years."  she replied, "Ohhh.  okay."  and after a pause she said, "Can i drive now?"

I know it'll seem like tomorrow and she will be!  in the meantime, i'm glad we are only getting ready for her 2nd birthday and not her sweet 16th!

a BIG surprise!

i am so excited!  a kind of excited i don't remember feeling the first two times because i was so terrified, but a surrendered and wonderful and amazing kind of excited--so much so that it only feels fitting to write about it so that i won't forget it.  if it's within our control, this is the last time i'll experience this revelation excitement--the last time i'll ponder in the quiet of my own heart and soul the miracle of a little life within me on the very first day i get to know about the gift of his or her existence.  in this very moment, only the Father in heaven and I know about this little one.  I feel like God is letting me in on a divine and holy secret, just a small part of His plan to be revealed in some unique and creative way to this world.  i've been praying that God would give us this baby, and jeremy told me last night that he has been too, and though Jeremy does not yet know that God did, indeed, answer that prayer,  I am taking a break from the tasks of the day to praise our God from whom ALL blessings flow and to pray for this little one that He, the creator and savior of the universe, dreamed up before there was even time for the very purpose of bringing Him glory in some way. I can't believe i have the privilege of carrying this little one these next nine months, and beyond, and as much as I, honestly, don't love being pregnant, I already love this child so very much.  And so this last time, I really want to enjoy the miracle that's taking place inside of me.

I wonder if she's a girl, or if he's a boy.  I wonder how she will bless our family, in what ways he will stretch us, what she will be like, how he will interact with his siblings....  I wonder so many things, some of them practical (like where will he sleep and how in the world will we fit 3 car seats in our car?) and some of them not (like who will she be and how will he best know God?).  I wonder how his little life will change the lives of his siblings.  Isaac and Ada do so well together...finally!  They love each other.  Can they love another little one too?  Can I love another one well?  I struggle to love the precious ones I have with joy and patience.  Is there enough of me to go around, and to still invest well in our marriage?

I have no choice but to trust that God is more than enough for us as He grows our family with great purpose.  I can't wait to tell Jeremy.  I'm so, so excited about knowing this baby and raising him or her with Jeremy by my side.  I wish I could hold her or him today!  July 10th ish is our due date.  Finally, a summer baby!!

Hooray!  I am so very full this day.
i was suspicious when i noticed how strong my fingernails were on the way home from gymnastics  with Ada today.  I am so grateful!  And now...off to decide how to tell Jeremy he is a daddy again!  Thank you, Jesus, for knitting this baby together within me.  What a miracle!  Please bring this little life here safely, and may He or she be filled with your Spirit and an eager participant in your Kingdom work.

"Sing over me, draw me close to rest in your peace.  Sing over me, oh sing"

a little surprise

i've been dreaming about ada's birthday party for a while now, even though it's still a month away.  after having a few hours last june with an old friend, howie, who works full time as a missionary building homes in mexican border towns, i realized that AMOR, a ministry that is dear to my heart and primarily "builds hope" by providing poor families with safe, dry homes, is struggling financially and therefore is only able to build half as many homes this year.  That means that only 600 families will benefit from the two room structure AMOR builds so well instead of normal 1200 families.  It also means only half as many volunteers are blessed by the experience of using their hearts and hands through AMOR to help build these homes and love on these families.  It's been my experience that I gain way more than I give when I am serving in this capacity.  I knew that the First Pres. group was taking a break from serving on the border due to the dangerous drug traffic and related crime, but it had not occurred to me that other churches were also choosing other avenues in which to serve.  Fewer servant groups, in combination with low giving, has left AMOR with a long waiting list of Mexican families who pray for a home for their babies.  I can't even imagine.

We have been conscious this year about supporting AMOR, and since Ada's birthday is at Christmas time, I thought that, with housing on our hearts, a gingerbread party would be fun!  Because of that, and because of her interest at Daystar, at Nana's and at RuRu's with the dollhouses there, I decided this would be a fun year to get her a dollhouse, as a tangible reminder of God's grace in our lives and also as a prompt to teach her to "build hope," however God might call her to do that.

When I started looking for dollhouses, I was super discouraged.  They are all pretty pricey (mostly over 3 digits) and seemed less than unique, much unlike my girl.  I happened to look on craigslist Sunday night and found a cute, wooden, blue house in need of some loving that very much reminded me of the house my sister made me when I was little (only it's smaller).  It was only 25 dollars, so I inquired about it right away, and was first in a line of many to get to stop by and look at it.

I told Ms. Paula, the homeowner, that I could pick the house up Monday morning, but would have to back into her driveway and sneak it into the trunk without the kids seeing it.  We headed towards Franklin, which worked perfectly because Isaac had gymnastics in Franklin that morning anyway.  When we passed the gym, he of course freaked out that I was going the wrong way.  I told him that I had a surprise to pick up.  He and Ada both got really excited and immediately started trying to guess what it might be.  Isaac said, "It must be a pumpkin!"  I decided to let him know that it wasn't actually a pumpkin, so he said, "I know!  Maybe it's a cow!  No, that's too big."  So Ada said, "Then it's a horse."  Isaac said, "No, Ada.  It's a rooster."  And so finally they settled on a new puppy.

I'm excited about giving this "new puppy" a new life.  I think it needs a good coat of pink paint on the outside and some sweet little touches on the inside.  I can't wait to work on it, and to give it to Ada for her second birthday.  Hopefully she and Isaac will spend a lot of creative hours enjoying it together, and in the end, will be reminded that everything we have is a gift from God.  I hope they will learn to give generously in response to his extravagant love.

"because that's how god made it"

today we were driving home from preschool, and ada starting talking about how she doesn't like to sleep when the sun is out or when the moon is out.  isaac tried to tell her that we take a nap when the sun is out and we go to sleep when the moon is out.  she asked him why.  and he said, "because that's how God made it, ada."